Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
by Across the Stars
Summary: Wishing I could hear your voice again, knowing that I never will. An old woman looks back on her relationship with a fallen knight.


**Title: Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again**

**Author: Across The Stars**

**Rating: T**

**Genre: Angst/General**

**Summary: Wishing I could hear your voice again, knowing that I never will. An old woman looks back on her relationship with a fallen knight.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC's, Meriah, Caladrin, Merin, and Nodren. **

!#$&

It's been far too many seasons since the Battle of Badon Hill, and still, I cannot rid myself of the memory of the last time I saw Lancelot. He was smiling, sitting tall and proud on his horse, ready to ride of into battle. It was his first day of freedom, and we had fought the night before. I accused him of being more interested in the tavern wenches than me, and it quickly escalated into a full-out yelling match. We slept apart that night. Lancelot had stormed out of his room, to direct his attentions elsewhere, or so I thought. In reality, he had been begging Arthur not to fight the Saxons alone. It wasn't Arthur's fight, he later said to me.

The next morning, as we were leaving the Wall, I apologized to Lancelot. Vanora told me he hadn't slept at all, let alone with anyone else.

"_I __am__ sorry Lancelot, really, I am. I shouldn't have assumed you were sleeping with anyone else. Will you please forgive me?"_

_He nodded, and I felt myself relax. "Of course I forgive you, Meriah. I should have paid more attention to you." As I melted into his warm embrace, I couldn't help but feel a sense of foreboding. Our band of villagers was protected by a Roman legion, so I had no reason to be afraid…_

We were still in sight of the wall when the horses were spooked. From my vantage point in one of the wagons, I had a bird's-eye view of the action.

With unspoken words, the knights began to prepare for battle. I almost jumped out of the wagon to beg Lancelot not to go, but Vanora shook her head at me.

"Let them go." With those three words, I felt tears well up in my throat. What if Lancelot was killed? How would I survive?

**&-&-&-&**

Lancelot rode over to the dingy wagon that Vanora, her bastards and I were occupying. I pushed my way to the edge of the wagon and pressed my face through an opening to meet his gaze.

"_Must you go?" I asked. _

"_Aye," Lancelot replied. He looked absolutely frightening in his traditional Sarmatian armor, like a mythical demon._

"_Don't be afraid, Mariah. I will return to you, and we can live our lives in peace. I promise you that."_

Those were the last words he spoke to me. With a kiss, he rode off to join Arthur in his final battle.

**&-&-&-&**

Though many moons have passed, I still remember that day in perfect detail. I am old, my beauty is gone, but I am sure if Lancelot were here it wouldn't matter.

I never saw him die. Guinevere told me about it later, once I had calmed down. My brave knight was gone from this world forever. I ended up staying at the Wall. Everyone did. Sarmatia was once again a distant idea, not an intense longing. After the deaths of Lancelot, Tristan and Dagonet, no one really wanted to leave the place that had been their home for many long years.

Yes, I married, but only so I would have a home to go to. My husband, Caladrin, was a kind man, but he wasn't Lancelot. He never beat me or talked down to me, but I didn't love him. We were good friends, just not lovers. Our one son, Maren, was a product of an awkward wedding night. We learned it was best not to muddle around in the realms of lovemaking again. Everything was simpler without it.

My lungs are rotting, and I cough up blood. I know the end is near, and I welcome it. If Arthur is correct, I will meet Lancelot again in the next life.

000

**From the records of Healer Nodren**

Meriah died that evening of a wasting sickness that had been plaguing her. Her last days were spent in the room above the fortress hall that served as our infirmary. She was a valuable member of the community, though I suspect she never got over the death of Lancelot. Meriah lived a long and full life. It was her time

**----**

**Another Dimension**

Meriah opened her eyes slowly, taking in a wind-blown plain. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep in Nodren's infirmary. She stood up, straightening the skirts of her dress and looked around her. This place was like nowhere she had ever been. Something moved at the corner of her vision, and she spun around, noticing that the cataracts that had clouded her sight were gone. She was young again!

All the air left Meriah's lungs in a swift moment. Lancelot was walking towards her.

"Lancelot!" she screamed, running to him. He caught her in his arms and spun her around. When he set her down, Meriah started to cry.

"What's wrong, Meriah? Is it something I've done?" he asked worriedly. Meriah shook her head vehemently. "No," she choked out. "I just thought I'd never see you again. Arthur was right-he said that we would meet again in another realm, and here we are!"

Lancelot smiled. "Yes, here we are." He kissed her softly, relishing the feeling of her body against his. It was like nothing had changed at all. They were together.

"Where are we, Lancelot?" Meriah asked. This place was as unfamiliar to her as the concept of an afterlife, which, it seemed, she was currently experiencing.

"This is Sarmatia, Meriah. My home. You see, I made good on my promise all those years ago. I promised you I would take you to Sarmatia, and here we are." He said, mirroring her earlier expression.

Meriah snuggled back into her lover's arms. "Yes," she said. "Here we are."

**A/N: Well, there it is. I seemed to have pushed off my almost five month long writer's block. How about a huge round of reviews to welcome me back?**


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